Monday, February 7, 2011

I don't know if I ever introduced you to my girlfriend.  Her name is Alonza P. Morningdew.  I met her at a truck stop in Florida.  She looked like she had just wandered up out of the swamp.  I was a young truck driver back then and I was driving my first job: delivering a whole truckload of horseshit to Kentucky.  Anyhow, Alonza told me that she had a special talent that she had learned from an old man in the swamp: sucking snake poison out. 

She told me that the old man had told her the secret to long life was that you shouldn't spit out the poison, you should swallow it.  Also, he told her that because people don't get bit that much (and therefore wouldn't have much of a chance to practice sucking at snake bites) what she should do is find the snakes and suck the poison right out of their mouths.

I told her I thought this was basically insane, but she insisted it was true and proved it by giving me a snake sucking demonstration right there behind the truck stop.  Well, I'll tell you I was impressed.  I took her with me and we've been together ever since.  Here's a picture of her about to suck some venom out of the mouth of a rattlesnake we caught in the swamp near Jacksonville.  She's gonna spit the venom in this jar and sell it to tourists.

13 comments:

  1. Oh crap, I'm in Florida. Next time I see someone sucking out snake venom, I'll be sure to ask if she knows someone like Adolph Gingerhorn.

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  2. Will the consequences ever be the same?

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  3. Your girlfriend is cute. Congrats.

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  4. will you backtrace me through the internet?

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  5. you done goofed!!!!! added to coffee! lmk!

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  6. Just make sure no one calls the cyber police, or the real police...!

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  7. Thats such a Photoshop job its nearly funny just looking at it.

    Who the hell would want to handle a snake like that anyways?

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